You know when people tell you to see what difference a year makes? But you struggle to do that because even though in hindsight a year goes by really quickly, in reality it’s a long time where all manner of things happen? It’s so annoying when those people are right.
At the start of this year, I was on my arse. I’d just come off the back of a shitty end to 2021, had just tanked an exam I had hyped myself for and was predicted an A in, and was going through the motions in a dead-end job that I despised.
I won’t make light of proper mental health issues and say ‘I had this’ and ‘I had that’, but I was low. I was on the floor. I couldn’t see how this year that was only a few days old was going to be any better than the last two stinkers that had gone by.
Eight days into it, I spent a really good day with a mate at the football. Accrington away. Had it not been for the freezing cold and the turgid 1-1 draw, it would’ve definitely been in contention for my favourite away day, given the fun journey, the food and the fact it was the first away game I’d done since Covid. After that, I started feeling better. For a bit, at least.
Then my head was up to its old tricks and produced what I’ve now named (after deliberating in literally the last few seconds) the Great April Wobble. I wrote about it then, I won’t subject it to you again now. But it was bad. Crying alone in the loft bad.
Then it got better again. Then it got worse again. Then it got better again. That seemed to be the rough pattern for about four or so months after that. Had I not been so open about it with one friend in particular, it may have again been a case of ‘then it got worse. Then worse. Then worse’.
I’ve never been that open with anyone. And we helped each other through our own rough patches. Whether it was at the pub or in the sauna at the gym, it was like therapy (and way better than actual therapy, at that).
I spent the summer doing a different job. I didn’t despise it like the last one, though at two days a week and crap money it was hardly anything to be excited about. But I think if I didn’t have that extra time to myself and had instead carried on mindlessly pushing trollies around Tesco, I’d have accepted that as my fate. Instead, I had time to finish what I was doing – getting back into journalism – and apply for jobs.
As summer ended, I kept getting the feeling that it was only a matter of time. I was getting exam results back that I had never thought possible. I was getting job interviews (not actually leading to anything but before then interviews were like gold dust). I felt ready to tackle the real world.
But, as the pattern goes, it ebbed again. The job rejections were piling up. I crashed my car and had to use the money I had saved for a holiday to sort that out. On that holiday I then had my wallet stolen.
All trivial things that can happen in life. But when they’re thrown at you in the space of a few weeks, it feels like life has got it in for you.
But then comes the bit at the end. The bit I was told to wait for at the start of the year. In the space of about four days, I went from applying to a job to finding out I’m moving away from the only town I’ve ever lived in at the start of next year.
Journalism is the only job I’ve ever wanted to do. I’d argue it’s the only thing I’m half-good at, even though I still have to deep breathe before phone calls and convince myself of the existence of certain words.
To be back doing that is a great feeling. To be going back to Accrington (as well as other places in East Lancs), the place where 2022 took its first good turn, is weird. Funny how the world works.
2022 has been strange. It’s been better than the two years before it combined. But it’s also had moments lower than anything I experienced then. I’ve made new friends, strengthened friendships with people I’d known for years, moved on from others.
I’ve gone from working at Tesco, to making chemistry kits in warehouse, to being a journalist again. I’ve gone from crying in the loft and dropping my AirPods in a bucket of piss (did I ever mention that on here?) to getting NCTJ Gold and having five of my closest friends fly out to Lisbon for my birthday.
I’m not on top of the world. I’ve learnt it’s better not to be, otherwise it’s too big of a fall. But I’ve gone from being on the floor at the start of the year to sitting comfortably at the end of it. I’m happy with that.
natgoodlad.com 